When I started up with this class I was lost in the big world where I didn't even know what I was. I started with blank ideas, knowing only one thing. I wanted to get rid of the biggest mistake I made in my life. I wanted to live a life which will be free of any kind of restriction. I wanted to make a life where everyone is happy and feels content. I wanted to be happy to make everyone happy. I was loosing myself to tremendous amount of negativity and hopelessness. All I knew at that time was that I needed someone to make me feel good about myself. To help me stay in focus while I am wandering in the world knowing there is nothing for me.
I started from scratch. I always knew that I never dressed well but lost all my courage to go to someone and say that I want it as I am worth it. I started by buying some clothes for myself and started to feel better and then all I had to do it sharpen up my skills which I already had. I started to make attempt to finish all my tasks which were given to me on a daily basis along with the household chores which I already was doing. I made a list of small goals for myself. Eventually decided to start doing makeups and look polished every single day. I was not success full every single day but I kept trying. I kept saying myself that its important to look good to feel good. When I was almost there, my instructor gave me some negative feedbacks about me. I was in shock but laughed off at myself.
Eventually I started to gather myself again to start working towards my goal. Then one day came finally when my instructor said good job Maitri. Those words echoed in my ears for some days. It was nothing special that I did and nothing that will help me find a job but it made me realize that I haven't received anything good for so long. Got so much of negative feedbacks from so many ppl . I was tremendously heart broken when I started this program. I think still I am trying to train my brain that these are all superficial. The real thing is happiness, the contentment and the joy of valuing my own life. I haven't done that for a long time, people used me and I didn't get anything in return. I didn't look back to see what I did and I did felt bad when I got bad remark for nothing.
What I have changed in me? I have taken control of my own life. I won't ask for any explanation but I won't give any either. I found that courage to know and feel that I have full right to make myself happy if no one cares. I have decided not to let him touch my body if I don't feel like. I hate to feel like prostitute every night. I have decided to reward myself every time I win the battle which I am fighting with myself. At this moment, I have two life. My own life and other life where everyone else comes. I have responsibility towards them as much I am responsible to love and respect my self.
Overtime I felt weak, I know that I won that battle where my husband did everything to put me in tremendous trouble and then I am here. Still intact and still in myself. My life is the most important thing to me.
I am continuously training my brain to stay calm and to know that over this period of time I have learned a lot and hence the value of my life is much more than it was about 10 yrs ago. Thanking God that He gave me this opportunity to live with the worst character I could possibility imagine and I still I could keep my sanity. I thank my parents for continuously detoxing me every time I was drowning in negativity. The eyes of my dad which looked at me with so much of proud and confidence. To know from them that I have been a good daughter and now a good Mom too. All in all I will stay a good human being no matter what comes in life.
I started from scratch. I always knew that I never dressed well but lost all my courage to go to someone and say that I want it as I am worth it. I started by buying some clothes for myself and started to feel better and then all I had to do it sharpen up my skills which I already had. I started to make attempt to finish all my tasks which were given to me on a daily basis along with the household chores which I already was doing. I made a list of small goals for myself. Eventually decided to start doing makeups and look polished every single day. I was not success full every single day but I kept trying. I kept saying myself that its important to look good to feel good. When I was almost there, my instructor gave me some negative feedbacks about me. I was in shock but laughed off at myself.
Eventually I started to gather myself again to start working towards my goal. Then one day came finally when my instructor said good job Maitri. Those words echoed in my ears for some days. It was nothing special that I did and nothing that will help me find a job but it made me realize that I haven't received anything good for so long. Got so much of negative feedbacks from so many ppl . I was tremendously heart broken when I started this program. I think still I am trying to train my brain that these are all superficial. The real thing is happiness, the contentment and the joy of valuing my own life. I haven't done that for a long time, people used me and I didn't get anything in return. I didn't look back to see what I did and I did felt bad when I got bad remark for nothing.
What I have changed in me? I have taken control of my own life. I won't ask for any explanation but I won't give any either. I found that courage to know and feel that I have full right to make myself happy if no one cares. I have decided not to let him touch my body if I don't feel like. I hate to feel like prostitute every night. I have decided to reward myself every time I win the battle which I am fighting with myself. At this moment, I have two life. My own life and other life where everyone else comes. I have responsibility towards them as much I am responsible to love and respect my self.
Overtime I felt weak, I know that I won that battle where my husband did everything to put me in tremendous trouble and then I am here. Still intact and still in myself. My life is the most important thing to me.
I am continuously training my brain to stay calm and to know that over this period of time I have learned a lot and hence the value of my life is much more than it was about 10 yrs ago. Thanking God that He gave me this opportunity to live with the worst character I could possibility imagine and I still I could keep my sanity. I thank my parents for continuously detoxing me every time I was drowning in negativity. The eyes of my dad which looked at me with so much of proud and confidence. To know from them that I have been a good daughter and now a good Mom too. All in all I will stay a good human being no matter what comes in life.
